Lessons from the Lake: The Hidden Struggles of Masking and Autism

The serene sight of ducks paddling in harmony across a still lake conveys a sense of effortless conformity. Their uniformity and coordination evoke imagery of contentment and belonging. But beneath the tranquil surface, unforeseen struggles are often at play. This scene offers poignant parallels to the concealed challenges many autistic individuals face in their quest to fit into a neurotypical world.

At first glance, the ducks epitomize social cohesion. Their synchronous coordination while traversing the lake shows no disruptive divergences. Similarly, autistic individuals frequently embark on an arduous journey of masking their differences to assimilate into norms and expectations. They suppress innate aspects of themselves to master the art of blending in, mimicking socially desirable behaviors.

This masking process reflects a common desire for community and connection. Most of us implicitly learn to align our conduct with social mores from a young age, allowing us to navigate life more smoothly. For autistic people though, this curation of conduct is far more deliberate and tiring. The conscious exertion to appear socially adept often leads to anxiety, depression, isolation, and burnout.

Autistic masking involves modifying and camouflaging natural behaviors to seem neurotypical. Individuals hyper-observe others' mannerisms, expressions, and reactions to determine ideal responses for different contexts. They then work diligently to perform those learned behaviors, burying intrinsic qualities to avoid judgment. This generates immense inner dissonance and turbulence beneath the veneer of conformity.

Ongoing research continues illuminating the psychological toll of masking. Studies show associations with heightened stress, unacceptance, disconnection from one's identity, and even suicidal thoughts. Furthermore, excelling at masking can preclude needed support, as one passes for neurotypical. This compounds existing challenges, with some only realising that they are autistic after decades of exhausting effort to appear socially adept lead to collapse.

Myriad factors act as influencers to mask the autistic true self. As social creatures, balancing individuality and conformity is an innate part of the human experience. But for autistic individuals, that balance skews heavily towards conformity due to the risks of judgment. Fundamentally, the desire for belonging, or need to escape pain, underscores why autistic individuals mask––to attain acceptance rather than rejection.

Appreciating the humanity beneath conformity and embracing neurodiversity enrich our collective experience. While the ducks may seem to glide effortlessly together across the lake, they remain distinctly individual beneath the surface. Similarly, we must look deeper to appreciate both the diversity and shared humanity around us.

Progress comes through compassion, not judgment. By making space for open expression and deconstructing social barriers, we can alleviate the excessive burdens so many carry silently. Our paramount shared goal must be fostering environments where all can be their authentic selves, without fear of reprisal.

While the calm lake conceals the ducks' hidden efforts, so too does the veneer of conformity shroud the inner worlds of many autistic individuals. This poignant parallel calls us to look beyond the superficial and offer empathy, understanding, and acceptance to all who mask to survive. As therapists we can honour the survival strategies in our clients, and, at their request, work with them as they emerge with safety as a less compromised self.